Tears In Heaven
by EOLuvFrv
Summary: Tragedy follows on the heels of happiness. How will Olivia face the most heartbreaking event of her life?
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer: I do not own SVU or any recognizable characters!**_

_A/N: Many thanks and much love to my amazing beta readers! You guys are priceless and I'm thankful for all your help! _

_I know that Elliot was in the Marines on SVU. However this is fanfic land and in this fanfic, Elliot is a "weekend warrior", he is in The Army Reserves. Also in this fanfic, Elliot and Olivia have been married for several years; Kathy and the Stabler kids do not exist. But I reserve the right to change my mind on their existance for futher chapters. **IF** I change my mind, I will let you know in a note at the beginning of the current chapter._

_Happy Reading! Please leave me a review, I love to hear what you guys think!_

* * *

><p><strong><span>Prologue<span>**

"How are you gonna tell Elliot?" Casey grinned. "Are you gonna write him? Or tell him when he calls?"

"No." Olivia smiled, looking down at the paper in her hands as they entered the elevator. "I wanna tell him face to face."

"He's gonna be so happy," her friend replied. "When will he be home?"

"I dunno, but soon I hope."

"His Reserve Unit wasn't supposed to be gone more than a few weeks, were they?" Casey asked, leaning against the back wall of the elevator.

"They weren't even supposed to be deployed at all. I wish he could have been here to find out with me." She sighed before looking over at the red-headed ADA. "Thanks for taking off work and going with me."

"That's what friends are for."

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Both women stepped out into the hallway and made their way into the squad room of the 16th precinct.

The voice of Captain Cragen stopped them as soon as they entered the room. "Hey, you're back." He greeted them from where he stood midway of the room. "What's the word?"

Munch and Fin turned from the bank of computer screens, curiosity written all over their faces. A total silence fell across the room, engulfing them all in suspense.

Olivia bit her bottom lip but didn't reply just yet. She held back her answer, wishing she could be telling Elliot first but thankful at the same time for the people looking back at her… her family.

All three men, knowing of her doctor's appointment, waited anxiously.

Fin watched her closely, praying there was a positive reason for her recent sickness. He saw Olivia as his little sister and he didn't think he could stand it if there was something seriously wrong with her.

Captain Cragen waited in hopeful silence, unable to tear his eyes away from her. She was the daughter he never had and although he sometimes failed, he tried not to show favoritism. Just the thought that Olivia might be seriously ill scared him more than he wanted to admit.

Munch, the skeptic of the group, refused to speculate either way about Olivia's bout with sickness. It could be caused by a number of things and even though he could smell a conspiracy anywhere, he refused to entertain any thoughts on the matter until they heard what her doctor had to say. "Well?" he prodded.

"Well…" she grinned. "Someone has to help me figure out a really amazing way to tell my husband that he's gonna be a daddy… I'm 10 weeks pregnant!"

The silence stretched for a few seconds before the squad room erupted in an excited commotion. Munch, Fin and Cragen all rushed across the room, enveloping her in congratulatory hugs and all talking over each other.

In all of the excitement, no one noticed when a ringing phone drew Cragen away from the group and into his office. No one noticed as he shut his office door and slowly sank into the chair behind his desk. No one noticed as he leaned over, propping his elbow on his desk and dropped his head into his hand, the phone still held to his ear. And no one noticed as Captain Cragen quietly left a few minutes later.

* * *

><p><em>AN 2: I know this chapter is short, it's just the Prologue and I already have chapter one ready to be posted, but I want hear what you guys think of this so far before I post it! Is this worth continuing?_


	2. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I do not own SVU or any recognizable characters! Me no own, you no sue! **_

_**Disclaimer 2: Tears In Heaven lyrics copyrighted by Eric Clapton**_

_A/N: Another BIG thank you to my team of beta readers, you guys are truly amazing! This chapter turned out to be much longer than I had originally planned it to be, but it had to be long to fit the entire song throughtout the storyline. Have a box of tissue near by, this is definately a tear jerker! I made myself cry while writing this (how pathetic is that? lol)! _

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter One<span>**

It was over an hour before Captain Cragen returned to the 16th precinct. He stopped before he entered the building and pulled out his cell phone. He sighed as he dialed Casey's cell number. "Are you still at the House?" he asked when she answered.

"Don," she spoke in surprise. "No, I just got back to my office about fifteen minutes ago. Why?"

He paced back and forth in front of the elevator, rubbing his forehead with his free hand. "I need you to come back. And I need you to bring Melinda," he said, referring to their Medical Examiner who was also one of Olivia's closest friends.

"Now?"

"Right now."

"What's wrong?" Casey asked, fear beginning to creep into her voice.

"I just need you here, asap," Don answered. "Olivia's gonna need you… both of you," he added quietly. "I'll wait for you at the elevator." He snapped his cell phone closed and slid it back into his pocket as he continued to pace.

Less than ten minutes passed before Casey and Melinda arrived from their offices, a few streets away. They ran into the building and over to Cragen who was standing in front of the elevator.

"What's going on?" Melinda asked anxiously as she and Casey followed Cragen onto the elevator.

"I'll tell you upstairs," his voice was barely audible. "It's gonna be hard enough to get this out one time… I can't do it more than once."

Casey and Melinda turned to each other, sharing a look of concern, knowing it had to be bad for it to rattle Captain Cragen. Fear gripped their hearts as they both turned back to the Captain. They glanced at each other again as the elevator slowly carried them up. They had been friends long enough to know, with just one look, that the same thoughts were running through both of their minds. They were worried, knowing that whatever news Captain Cragen had, held the power to destroy Olivia. They knew he wouldn't have called them, much less called them both, to be there if the news wasn't bad… really bad.

Together, the three of them exited the elevator and walked down the hall, entering the squad room.

Olivia, sitting at her desk, looked up from her paperwork. "Back already, Case? Hey, Mel. I was getting ready to call you in a few minutes." She greeted her friends with a smile.

"I heard your good news." Melinda smiled nervously. "Congratulations, Liv."

"Thanks." Olivia's smile slowly faded as she looked from her friends to her boss and back to her friends. She stood and took a couple of steps toward them. "What's wrong?"

"I… I dunno…" Casey answered for both of them as they both turned their gaze to Cragen. "Captain called and asked us to come."

"Cap?" Olivia asked with a frown as she looked to him as well.

Cragen sighed and ran a hand down his face. He bit his bottom lip then called to the other two detectives sitting across the room. "John… Fin…"

The two men looked up at their Captain then looked at each other, frowns of concern marring both of their faces. They stood and walked over to the group.

"What's up, Cap?" Fin asked.

"Yeah, where'd you disappear to?" Munch added.

"Guys… I… I dunno how to say this…"

"Just say it… you're making me really nervous…" Olivia's voice shook, her nervousness becoming obvious.

_Would you know my name_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

"I received a call…" Cragen's voice cracked as he struggled to find the right words. "And I had to go take care of some business…"

"What business?" Munch's eyes darted from the Captain to his fellow colleagues.

"Olivia…" Cragen cleared his throat, trying to mask the tears that were threatening to silence his voice.

"Wh… What is it?" Olivia was visibly trembling now and she leaned against Casey and Melinda as they instinctively moved closer to her.

Captain Cragen reached into his pocket and slowly pulled something out. "Liv… I'm so sorry…" He slowly extended his arm and opened his fist.

A collective gasp rose from the group as the light reflected off the metal objects in his hand.

Olivia reached out a trembling hand and slowly took them from him. She stared at the objects for a moment before a sob ripped from her throat. _**"NO!"**_

_Would it be the same_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

Melinda and Casey quickly tightened their grip, holding Olivia up as her knees gave out and buckled underneath her.

"Ok, ok… it's ok… we got you…" Melinda soothed, tears in her own eyes as she and Casey supported Olivia's entire weight.

Cragen grabbed the closest chair and quickly moved it over to them, holding it in place as they lowered Olivia down onto the seat. Both women dropped to the floor, kneeling in front of their hysterical friend.

"Nooo…" Olivia sobbed, the ball chain hanging from her fingers as her husband's dog tags dangled below her hand.

Fin and Munch hurried over, both leaning over to hug Olivia as she sobbed into her hands.

Munch gently rubbed Olivia's back, mumbling soft condolences in her ear, as he hugged her. His heart constricted in his chest as he silently tried to give her his strength.

Fin hugged her tightly. Tears clogged his throat and he couldn't speak as he not only mourned the loss of his friend, but also felt Olivia's pain as her heart shattered with grief.

Melinda and Casey continued kneeling in front of Olivia, silent tears rolling down both of their faces as they tried to comfort their friend.

Melinda gently rubbed Olivia's knee. "I'm so sorry, honey… so sorry," she murmured quietly.

A soft, shaky sigh escaped from Casey's lips, her heart breaking for her friend. "We're right here," she whispered as she squeezed Olivia's free hand. "You're not alone," she promised, addressing the fear she knew was in Olivia's mind and heart.

The squad room was eerily silent, with the exception of Olivia's muffled sobs. An almost physical heaviness could be felt as the news, that one of their own had fallen, settled in on the makeshift family.

Munch was the first to let go of Olivia. He slowly raised up to face Cragen. "Cap?" he asked with tears shining in his eyes. "Are you sure?"

Cragen nodded. "I went to identify the body… that was the call I received."

_I must be strong_

_And carry on,_

"I want to see him," Olivia stood on wobbling knees as an unexpected courage filled her heart. Her mind raced with thoughts of wanting… no, _**needing**_ to see and identify her husband's body herself.

"That's not a good idea," Fin spoke gently.

"He's my husband. I should see him."

"Liv…" Cragen spoke up. "Fin's right, it's not a good idea."

"But…"

The captain shook his head. "I didn't want to tell you like this, but he was hurt too badly. He was unrecognizable. You don't need that image in your head. You need to remember him the way he was."

"Wh… What happened?" her voice trembled.

"Land mine," he spoke quietly. "They're not sure if Elliot stepped on it or if the guy beside him stepped on it. But he…" Captain Cragen swallowed hard, trying to hold back his tears. "He was burned… badly."

Casey and Melinda looked at each other as they continued kneeling in front of Olivia. The worry was evident in both of their eyes. They knew it had to have been horrific to upset the Captain and for him to say it wasn't a good idea for Olivia to see her husband.

"Tell me," Olivia spoke quietly, her voice shaking as she slowly sat back down.

"What?" Cragen asked with a confused frown.

"How bad?"

"Olivia…"

'_Cause I know I don't belong_

_Here in heaven._

"Just tell me, Don!" she snapped, one of the rare times she actually called the Captain by his first name.

"He was unrecognizable," he repeated his earlier explanation.

"Then how do you know it was him? Did they identify him by his dental records?"

"No," Cragen spoke softly as he looked down at his feet. "His teeth were gone."

"Then how?" Olivia asked, getting more upset by the minute.

"His eyes were blue and his hair was brown."

"That's all? That could be anybody!"

"And by his dog tags." The Captain looked up and motioned to the tags still clutched in Olivia's hand.

_Would you hold my hand_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

A little while later, Melinda finished talking to Captain Cragen then made her way back across the squad room to where Olivia was sitting at Elliot's desk. She leaned over and patted Olivia's shoulder. "Come on, Sweetie," she spoke quietly and gently. "Let's get you home."

Olivia, seemingly lost in her own thoughts, wiped away tears that were still rolling down her cheeks. She looked up at Melinda, a blank look on her face, her eyes red and puffy from crying. "Huh?" she asked as even more tears filled her eyes.

Melinda reached down and gently helped Olivia to her feet. "Time to go home."

"Go home?" Olivia spoke quietly. "To what? An empty house?" she shook her head. "No thanks, I'd rather just stay here in the cribs."

"No, honey," Melinda answered softly. "You need to go home. You need food and you need rest."

Olivia sighed and shook her head, refusing the thought. "I don't want to go home to an empty house," a wave of fresh tears rolled down her pale cheeks. "I don't want to be alone," she admitted, her voice barely audible.

"You're not alone, hon," Casey repeated her earlier promise as she stood from where she was seated at Olivia's desk. "We'll stay with you."

"For as long as you need us," Melinda added in agreement.

Casey reached down, opened the lower desk drawer and retrieved Olivia's purse. She looked up and met Melinda's gaze before looking at Olivia. "I got your purse. Anything else you want to take home?"

Olivia shook her head as she took a few steps away from the desks. Suddenly, she stopped and turned back. "Wait…" her voice still tight with tears. "The picture. I want the picture."

"Which one, hon?" Casey asked kindly.

"The framed picture on El's desk…" her voice cracked.

"This one?" Casey asked, holding up an elaborate frame that was hosting a picture of Elliot and Olivia feeding each other cake at their wedding reception.

Olivia nodded as she took the frame from her friend. "Thanks," she whispered. She bit her bottom lip and ran her finger down the glass of the picture frame. A shaky sigh escaped from her lips as she hugged the frame to her chest.

Melinda wrapped her arm around Olivia's waist as she swayed slightly. "Don't pass out on me."

"I won't," her voice trembled and she swayed again.

Casey wrapped her arm around Olivia's waist as well, to help support her.

Tears rolled down Olivia's face and she clutched the picture frame even tighter, as if it was a lifeline. She bowed her head, looking down at her feet and allowed her friends to lead her out.

_Would you help me stand_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

After a quick 10 minute ride across town, Olivia stood on the front porch of her house, the picture frame in one hand and her keys in the other. Her hands shook as she tried to unlock the front door. She dropped the keys and sighed as she leaned over to pick them up. She tried again to get the key into the lock but the trembling of her hands prevented her from accomplishing the task.

"Liv," Melinda spoke gently as she took the keys. "Let me do it for you."

Olivia willingly relinquished the keys and stepped back away from the door.

Melinda quickly unlocked and opened the door. She held the door open, allowing Olivia and Casey to enter then followed them in.

"I'll get you something to eat," Casey said as she turned and started toward the kitchen.

"No," Olivia's quiet, broken voice stopped Casey in her steps.

"You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to think of the baby you're carrying," Melinda spoke up.

"I'll eat later. I promise," Olivia whispered. "Just not right now."

Casey and Melinda exchanged a concerned look, both knowing that Olivia wouldn't eat unless they pressed the issue and refused to take "no" as an answer.

"Alright," Casey agreed reluctantly. "But I'm gonna hold you to that."

Olivia nodded then sighed as she rubbed a hand down her face. "I just want to go to bed."

"Liv…" Melinda began but was quickly cut off.

"I just need to sleep, Mel. This is all too fresh and I don't want to feel anymore. I just want to sleep for awhile." And with that, Olivia made her way up the staircase with the picture frame still clutched in one hand and disappeared around the corner, leaving her two friends with nothing to do but stare after her retreating figure.

_I'll find my way_

_Through night and day,_

"What are we gonna do?" Casey asked once Olivia was out of earshot.

"I dunno," Melinda answered. "I think the only thing we can do is just be here for her and make sure she's taking care of herself. Now, she has the baby to think about, too."

Casey nodded. "I've never seen her this broken."

"Me either," Melinda agreed. "It's kinda scary to see her this way, she's always so strong."

"Exactly…" Casey sighed. "And as scary as it is for us, it has to be worse for Liv."

"I think she probably feels lost and maybe even weak. And that's not a feeling she's used to, at least not anymore. I don't think she's felt that way since she left her mother's house," Melinda replied.

_'Cause I know I just can't stay_

_Here in heaven._

Back at the precinct, Fin and Munch sat in the office with Captain Cragen.

"There has to be something we can do." Fin finally broke the silence that had stretched among the men for almost half an hour.

"This sucks," Munch grumbled. "She gets such amazing news this morning and she's on cloud nine. Then, not even three hours later, she gets knocked to her knees with this heart-wrenching event."

"I knew this would shatter her." Cragen sighed. "I didn't want to tell her. I prayed from the time I got the call until the moment they pulled the sheet back, that it was a mistake, that it wasn't Elliot."

"Are you ok?" Fin asked, suddenly realizing how hard it must have been for the Captain to have to identify the body of fellow officer and friend, of a man that was like a son to him.

Cragen quickly brushed away a couple of tears before they could fall. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just worried about Olivia."

"Maybe we should make the funeral arrangements so Liv doesn't have to worry about it," Munch suggested.

"I dunno," Fin answered with a small frown. "I think Baby-Girl might want to do that herself."

"Well, we can offer to do it for her and let her decide if she wants us to or if she prefers to handle it herself," Cragen cut in, settling the question of what to do.

_Time can bring you down,_

_Time can bend your knees._

Several hours passed and Melinda glanced at the clock as she put the last of the newly prepared meals into Olivia's refrigerator.

"Think we should wake Liv now?" Casey asked as she finished loading the dishwasher.

"I hate to because I know she needs to rest but she also needs to eat," Melinda answered. "If not for herself, then for the baby."

Casey nodded. "Let's go."

Together, the two women walked out of the kitchen and made their way upstairs.

Casey knocked lightly before opening the door to the master bedroom. She stepped into the room and sighed sadly at the sight of her friend.

Olivia was laying on what was clearly Elliot's side of the bed. She was curled up, almost in a fetal position, on her side with her back to the door. Even in sleep, she clung to Elliot's pillow as if it was her lifeline. She shifted slightly, burying her face deeper into the pillow.

_Time can break your heart,_

_Have you begging please, _

_Begging please._

Melinda sat down on the edge of the bed, behind Olivia, and gently laid her hand on her friend's back. "Liv…" she spoke quietly.

Olivia stirred but didn't wake.

Melinda shook her gently. "Come on, Liv. Wake up, honey."

Olivia rolled over onto her back and stretched before slowly opening her eyes. She sat up in bed and frowned in confusion as her eyes darted from Melinda who was sitting on the bed to Casey who was still standing in the bedroom doorway and back to Melinda. "What are you guys do-" She stopped mid-question as memories from earlier in the day flooded her mind and her senses. Tears immediately sprung to her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. "No…" she closed her eyes tightly and shook her head as she remembered Captain Cragen's tearful announcement.

"Liv…" Melinda reached over and laid a comforting hand on Olivia's shoulder.

"No!" Olivia cried, remembering the weight and the coldness of Elliot's dog tags in her hand.

Melinda gently pulled Olivia into a hug. "I'm so sorry, honey," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"I want him back…" she sobbed.

Casey hurried over and sat on the bed, wrapping her arms around Olivia too. "Shhh…" she soothed. "It's ok."

"No, it's not," Olivia sobbed even harder. "Nothing's okay without him. Nothing! I want him back… I want my husband back!"

_Beyond the door,_

_There's peace I'm sure,_

It took nearly an hour for Melinda and Casey to get Olivia calm enough to get her to eat; and even then, they only managed to get a few spoonfuls of soup into her… and that was after begging and pleading with her, trying to persuade her to eat, for the health of her baby. Olivia finally gave in and swallowed a few bites before once again becoming too upset to eat any more. Her friends finally relented when Olivia said that swallowing even one more spoonful would cause every bite she had taken to come back up. They wanted her to talk, to get her feelings out in the open; but she begged off, claiming she just needed sleep. They tried to convince her to stay awake for awhile, but let it go when her quiet cries turned into sobs.

Casey pulled the covers up over Olivia who was already asleep again while Melinda gathered the tray and the food that was barely touched. They quietly left the master bedroom, leaving the door halfway open in case Olivia needed them.

"I'm really worried about her," Casey admitted quietly.

"I am too," Melinda whispered as she carried the tray downstairs.

"I wish there was something we could do to make this easier for her."

"I don't think that's possible. I don't think there's anything that could make this easier. Elliot was her entire world. Her heart isn't just broken… it's shattered."

"Yeah." Casey agreed with a sigh as she followed Melinda into the kitchen.

"I think all we can do is just be here for her, help hold her up. Things are gonna get worse before they get better. And I'm not so sure she can stand up under all this stress," Melinda confessed.

"I'm not sure, either."

_And I know there'll be no more_

_Tears in heaven. _

A little later, Casey and Melinda sat in Olivia's living room, the tv on with the sound turned down low. Silence stretched between them, both lost in their own thoughts.

The doorbell rang, bringing them both back to the present.

"I got it," Melinda pushed up from where she was sitting on the couch. She walked over and looked out the peephole. "It's Fin," she called back to Casey before opening the front door.

"Hey," Fin nodded in greeting.

"Hey Fin. Come on in," Melinda responded, holding the door open for him.

Fin entered the house and turned back to Melinda. "How's Liv doing?"

"Not good," she responded, leading him into the living room.

"Hey Casey," he said when he saw the red-head sitting on the couch. "I thought I'd find you both still here."

"Of course," Casey answered kindly. "We wouldn't leave Liv alone in a time like this."

"No matter how many times she tries to send us away," Melinda added.

"I take it, she's tried that already?" Fin questioned.

"More than once," Casey replied.

"That's Liv for you," Fin said as he sat down in the recliner.

"More than a dozen times," Melinda admitted as she returned to the couch.

"But being alone is the last thing she needs right now," Fin sighed.

_Would you know my name_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

"You don't have to stay. Mel and I are both staying," Casey said a couple of hours later as she handed Fin a set of clean sheets, a blanket and a pillow.

"I know," Fin answered. "I'll just feel better if I stay too."

"Alright," Casey nodded. "Melinda and I can bunk together in one guest room and you can have the other one."

"No, the couch is fine. You guys use the rooms."

"If you're sure…"

"Positive."

"Ok, Mel's in the one on the right; I'll be in the one on the left. I'm gonna look in on Olivia before I turn in."

Fin nodded and turned his attention to making up the couch. "Night, Casey."

"Night," she replied then went back upstairs.

A couple of minutes later, Casey stopped by the room where Melinda was staying and stuck her head in the open doorway. "I'm headed to bed."

Melinda looked up from the book she was reading, "Me too. I'm going as soon as I finish this chapter."

"I just checked on Liv. She's still sound asleep," Casey said as she leaned against the doorframe.

"Yeah, I did too, about fifteen minutes ago. I'm gonna check on her again in a little while. I don't like the way she looks."

"Her eyes are red and puffy from crying so much."

"And she's pale… too pale."

_Would it be the same_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

Casey said good night and went to the other guest room. She quickly changed into some comfy pj's then crawled into bed, taking her cell phone with her. She leaned against the headboard of the bed and dialed Captain Cragen's number.

Glancing at the caller ID on his cell, Cragen picked up before the second ring. "Casey, how's Olivia?" the concern was evident in his voice.

"Asleep for now," she answered.

"How long has she been asleep?" Cragen asked, clearly worried about the woman he loved as a daughter.

"Since we got her home, with the exception of about an hour and a half."

"I'm guessing she didn't eat anything."

"Only a few spoonfuls of soup. She was just too upset. She started sobbing as soon as Melinda woke her up to eat."

Cragen sighed and his voice trembled slightly with unshed tears.

"I don't think there's much we can do," Casey said quietly. "I think we just have to wait and be here for her when she's ready and able to face it."

_I must be strong_

_And carry on,_

The next morning, Fin woke with the feeling of someone was watching him. He opened his eyes and slowly looked around the living room. He sat up and smiled slightly when he saw Olivia curled up across the room in Elliot's recliner, her gaze resting on him. "Hey there."

Olivia blinked but didn't respond. She pulled her legs up closer and wrapped her arms around them, laying her chin on her knees.

Fin stood and quickly pulled the blanket and sheets off of the couch, refolding them and placing them on the coffee table with the pillow. "How are you feeling?"

She continued watching him but still didn't answer.

He sat back down and patted the couch next to him. "Come here, Baby-Girl."

She didn't move at first but she slowly stood a moment later. She walked over to the couch and sank down next to Fin.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and spoke soothingly. "I'm glad to see you awake."

She sighed silently and wiped away tears as she leaned against him.

"Hey." Fin placed his hand under Olivia's chin and turned her face up to him. He frowned when he finally got a good look at her eyes. "Dang, Liv. Your eyes look raw. I know they have to be sore."

"They burn… a lot," she replied softly. "Feels like they're on fire."

_'Cause I know I don't belong_

_Here in heaven._

Half an hour later, Melinda gently dabbed some ointment on the swollen, red semicircles under Olivia's eyes.

Olivia winced and inhaled, the breath hissing through her gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry," Melinda said apologetically. "I know it hurts. I'm almost done," she quickly but gently finished and put the cap back on the ointment. "That should help a little."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. That's what friends are for. We'll see how they're doing in a little while. Ok?"

Olivia nodded in agreement.

"You need anything else?"

"Just my husband," her voice was barely audible.

"You have no idea how much I wish I could give you that," Melinda spoke softly, her heart breaking for her friend.

Olivia blinked rapidly a few times to keep the tears from falling then moved from the couch back to Elliot's recliner.

"I'm gonna go help Casey and Fin with breakfast," Melinda said as she moved across the room. "You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Your baby needs nourishment," Melinda responded kindly before disappearing into the kitchen.

Olivia settled back further into Elliot's recliner and pulled her knees up. She rested one hand on her stomach and whispered brokenly into the empty room. "I need you El… our baby needs you. I can't do this without you." She squeezed her eyes shut and tears slipped out from under her closed eyelids. "You can't be dead, El. You just can't be… I can still feel you."

_'Cause I know I don't belong_

_Here in heaven.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>AN 2: Please leave me a review. Let me know what you think, good or bad!_


	3. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Dick Wolf. I'm only borrowing them for awhile._**

_A/N: I know Olivia is a little OOC in this fic, but that is my intention! :~) I hope you like it, please let me know your thoughts! Also, thanks to my amazing beta, you ladies rock!_

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Two<span>

The next few days passed slowly.

Unwilling to leave Olivia alone, Melinda and Casey worked out a schedule where someone was with her at all times. Cragen, Fin and Munch each stayed with Olivia a few hours during the day. Then Casey or Melinda stayed with her overnight.

Most of the time, Olivia slept. When she was awake, it wasn't for long and in those short times, she stayed wrapped up in a blanket on the couch or in Elliot's recliner.

Olivia's morning sickness was bad. The brief periods she was up in the mornings were spent mainly in the bathroom.

Even though Melinda was a wonderful cook and had filled Olivia's refrigerator with delicious meals ready to eat, it was still a battle to get Olivia to eat more than a couple of bites.

The morning of Elliot's funeral dawned cold but sunny.

Olivia looked over at the alarm clock on the bedside table as sunlight began to stream in the bedroom window. She pulled the covers up higher to ward off the cold that permeated the room. Tears filled her eyes as the realization of what the day held settled in over her. She squeezed her eyes shut and tears rolled out from underneath her closed eyelids. She reached, blindly, across the bed and pulled Elliot's pillow over to her. With her eyes still closed, she buried her face in the feathery softness, inhaling her husband's scent that still lingered there. She quickly surrendered to sleep once again as tears still slipped from her eyes, soaking the pillowcase.

A short while later, there was a knock on the door of the master bedroom.

Olivia stirred but didn't fully wake. Another knock, a little louder this time, drew her from sleep. "Yeah?" she mumbled without moving from underneath the covers.

The door slowly opened and Casey stepped into the bedroom. "Liv, it's time to get up, honey," she spoke softly.

"Don't wanna…" Olivia's response was muffled by Elliot's pillow that she still clung to.

"It's already 8:15, there's only an hour and a half before we have to leave," Casey urged gently as she crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Not going," Olivia muttered, still without moving.

"Honey…"

"I can't… I just can't."

Casey sighed softly as she laid a gentle hand on her friend's back. "I know you don't want to, sweetie. I don't either… none of us do."

Olivia buried her head further into Elliot's pillow, squeezing her eyes shut tightly, trying to will the day away.

"But we have to," Casey continued.

"No," Olivia muttered stubbornly.

"I know this is hard to face, hard to deal with. But you're not alone. I'm right here and I'm not leaving you to face this alone. We're all right here with you, every step."

Olivia groaned and the color drained from her face as a wave of nausea washed over her.

Knowing what was coming, Casey stood and pulled the covers back.

Seconds later, Olivia jumped out of bed and raced for the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her and dropped to her knees in front of the toilet, emptying the meager contents of her stomach. She groaned quietly as her stomach clenched and rolled. Resting one trembling hand on her still flat stomach, her voice shook as she tried to control her emotions. "I know that you're just letting me know you're in there, baby," she whispered. "But can you give Mommy a break? Please?" Tears rolled down her face as her heart seemed to constrict in time with her stomach.

Casey gave her a couple of minutes of privacy before knocking on the door and letting herself into the bathroom to help her friend. "Oh, honey," she spoke kindly when she saw the tears running down Olivia's face. She walked to the bathroom closet and retrieved a wash cloth. "It's ok," she soothed.

"No," Olivia sobbed. "It's not ok," she leaned back over the toilet, losing the last of what was in her stomach.

Casey moved to the sink and ran the cloth under a stream of cold water. She wrung it out, then knelt beside Olivia. She pulled her friend's hair back as dry heaves wracked Olivia's body. "Shhh…" Casey soothed, gently rubbing the cool cloth across the back of her neck.

"You shouldn't have to do this," Olivia cried. "Elliot should be here."

"I know," Casey spoke softly and kindly.

"I want him here. I want my husband," she sobbed before hanging over the toilet as dry heaves shook her body again.

Casey gently raised Olivia up and washed her face with the damp wash cloth. "Shhh…" she soothed again. "Take a breath."

The pale faced brunette inhaled quickly, taking a shallow, ragged breath.

"Slower," Casey coached quietly.

Olivia leaned into the coolness of the wash cloth as her friend worked to calm her down. She forced herself to take a couple of slow breaths.

"That's it… easy now," the red-headed attorney encouraged. "Slow breaths, hon. Slow deep breaths."

After a few more bouts with nausea and morning sickness, Olivia exited the bathroom, leaning on Casey for support as her knees trembled.

Moving slowly, Casey helped Olivia downstairs and into the living room. She eased Olivia down onto the couch and tucked a blanket around her legs. She gently leaned her back, encouraging her to lay her head down on the back of the couch. She laid a fresh wash cloth, damp and cool, across her friend's throat before speaking quietly. "Close your eyes, try to relax a little. I'm gonna go fix some toast and a cup of tea."

"No food," Olivia moaned.

"You need something in your stomach, it'll help keep the nausea somewhat at bay. Just toast and tea, ok? That's light, it won't hurt you."

Laying one hand on her stomach, Olivia sighed and nodded slightly without raising her head from the back of the couch. "Alright," she sighed in defeat, knowing Casey wouldn't give up until she ate at least a couple of bites.

"Close your eyes, relax," Casey instructed gently then disappeared into the kitchen.

Resting her head on the back of the couch, Olivia closed her eyes and concentrated on keeping her breathing slow. Soon, her mind began to wander and her thoughts brought tears to her eyes, yet again. She moved the cool cloth from her throat and laid it on the coffee table before laying down and burying her face in the couch pillows. "How am I supposed to do this without you, El? How am I supposed to raise our baby without you? I can't. I need you, our baby needs you," she mumbled almost silently as tears rolled down her cheeks and soaked the pillows. "How am I supposed to let you go? I can't say goodbye to you… not today… not ever."

It didn't take long for Casey to return with a tray. She quietly crossed the living room and put the tray next to the wash cloth on the coffee table. Then sat down on the edge of the couch in front of Olivia before gently reaching over and rubbing her friend's side. "I know you're not sleeping," she whispered. "Your breathing pattern gives you away."

Olivia sighed as she opened her eyes and looked up at Casey. "Why can't this day just go away?" she asked brokenly. "I can't face this, I just can't."

Casey took her arm and gently tugged Olivia into a sitting position. "You're not alone," she spoke softly, patiently repeating the promise that she had made repeatedly over the past couple of days. "I'm here with you… we're all here with you. We're not gonna leave you to face this alone. Captain, Munch, Fin, Melinda, me… we're in this with you every step of the way, all of us."

Wiping away tears, Olivia looked out the window on the other side of the living room. "How can the sun be shining so bright… today of all days? The sun should refuse to shine, the weather should be as gloomy as I feel."

"I know," Casey answered kindly. "It doesn't seem right."

An hour later, the doorbell rang and Casey called up the stairs as she made her way to the door. "Liv, it's time to go." She opened Olivia's front door, allowing Melinda to enter the house.

"Hey," Melinda greeted her quietly. "How's Liv?"

"Worse than last night," Casey admitted softly.

"Were you able to get her to eat anything?"

"Only half of a piece of toast and a cup of tea."

Melinda shook her head worriedly. "Well, that's better than nothing. But we've got to do something to get more nourishment into her or I'm gonna have to hospitalize her."

"I dunno if she could handle that right now."

"I'll only do that as a last resort, but we've _**GOT**_ to get more in her than just a couple of bites a day."

Casey nodded in agreement. She turned and called up the stairs again. "Liv… let's go honey." She moved to the hall closet and retrieved Olivia's jacket as well as her own.

Olivia appeared at the top of the stairs and slowly started down. She stopped halfway down and looked back up the stairs before looking down at her friends. "I…" she swallowed back tears. "I'm just gonna stay here, you guys go on," her voice was tight with unshed tears and she picked absentmindedly at her black dress.

Melinda hurried up the stairs to where Olivia stood and gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders before she could start back upstairs. "Come on, sweetie," Melinda whispered words of encouragement. "I know this is the hardest thing you've ever had to do but we're right here with you," she rubbed Olivia's back as she gently led her down the stairs. "Just lean on us, let us hold you up. We won't let you fall, I promise."

With her jacket already on, Casey held Olivia's jacket open and slipped it on her when the other two women reached the front door. She quickly set the alarm; she turned the lock on the door and pulled it closed behind them before following her friends down the sidewalk to the waiting car.

* * *

><p><em>AN 2: So, what do you think? Please leave me a review! Up next... Elliot's funeral, this bumpy ride gets even rougher! Anyone interested? Let me know! :~)_


	4. Chapter 3

****Disclaimer: Not mine! All recognizable characters belong to Dick Wolf****

**A/N: As always, many thanks to my awesome betas! You ladies are priceless! I'm so proud to have you as betas and as friends!**

**Elliot's funeral... Can Olivia really face this? Or will it be too much for her? Please leave me a review. Reviews are very motivating!**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Three<span>

Once they reached the small church, Melinda quickly found the spot that was reserved for them and parked the car.

"Dang…" Casey let out a quiet, low whistle as she looked around at the sheer number of cars. The parking lot was packed, not a single parking space was left and as far as they could see, vehicles lined the street on both sides. "I know Elliot was a good cop," she glanced over at Olivia. "And an even better man… but I didn't expect this many people to show up." She opened the door and slid out of the back seat.

Melinda followed suit and exited the driver's side.

They waited in silence for several moments. Looking back into the vehicle, they quickly realized that Olivia was not going to get out of the car on her own.

They both walked around to the passenger side and Melinda opened the door. Casey leaned in, slightly, and wrapped an arm around Olivia's shoulders. "Come on, honey," she spoke softly as she gently tugged Olivia toward the door, encouraging her to exit the vehicle.

"I can't do this…" Olivia's voice was barely audible as she slowly followed Casey's prodding.

"That's what we're here for," Melinda answered softly when Olivia got out of the car. "Just lean on us," she said as she wrapped an arm around her friend's waist.

Casey closed the car door without removing her arm from around Olivia's shoulders. "We're right here to catch you. We won't let you fall," she promised.

Olivia slowly made her way to the front door, flanked by Melinda on one side and Casey on the other. Together they walked into the small church and Olivia's steps faltered as all eyes turned to her.

"It's ok," Melinda whispered as she urged Olivia forward, down the aisle.

Casey reached for the dark sunglasses that were still perched on Olivia's face even though they had entered the church.

Wanting to maintain the flimsy barrier of darkness between herself and the events happening around her, Olivia pushed the glasses back up her nose without a word and continued up the aisle.

Casey relented but shared a look of concern with Melinda.

Cragen, Fin and Munch, each respectfully wearing their dress uniforms, all sat in the section reserved for family. They turned, almost in unison, their gazes coming to rest on the three women who were slowly making their way forward.

Fin quickly stood and hurried down the aisle to them. He spoke softly and kindly. "Hey, Liv. Come on, honey."

"Fin…" Olivia spoke so quietly that if Fin hadn't seen her lips move; he wouldn't have known she said anything.

"I know, Baby-Girl. I know," he whispered as she uncharacteristically and willingly fell forward into his embrace.

Fin held her in a tight hug for a moment before pulling away just enough to wrap his arm around her waist and gently urge her toward their seats.

Cragen and Munch both stood, in a solemn greeting, when the others reached the front.

Munch squeezed Olivia's hand reassuringly as he leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.

She gave a slight nod of acknowledgement as Munch reached up and gently pulled her jacket off of her and laid it across the back of the front pew. She froze in place as she silently took in the sight of the giant picture of Elliot on an easel in front of the pews. He looked so handsome in his dress uniform. Tears slid from underneath her sunglasses and down her cheeks as she remembered the day the picture was taken almost a year ago, only a few months after their wedding. Her eyes roamed to the right of the displayed picture, on the other side of the podium and found another easel, holding a cork board covered with pictures, newspaper clippings and other mementos. She slowly walked up to the corkboard, looking closely at the pictures and things that their friends had lovingly chosen to honor Elliot's life and career. Tears continued to flow freely down her cheeks as she reached forward. She gently fingered the different pictures of Elliot, of herself with Elliot and of them with their friends and "chosen family".

Cragen moved to the front, next to Olivia and reached up for her sunglasses, much the same way as Casey had done only moments before.

Still wanting to keep her somewhat protective barrier, Olivia reached up and pushed the sunglasses back up yet again.

"Sweetheart…" Cragen spoke so gently, so softly.

Her heart broke a little more at the kindness in Cragen's voice; and in yet another uncharacteristic movement, she allowed herself to lean into his fatherly presence. A presence that she had craved and longed for, for most of her life. Yes, she was brave and she was strong. And she had done well, very well, for herself; but right now, all she felt was heart crushing grief. She felt so lost and so unsure of herself. Right now, she needed a father, a daddy; she needed that parental strength and unconditional love. Right now, she needed someone to step in and take all the decisions out of her hands; she was in no shape to make any decisions. She was grieving too hard to make sense of anything.

She didn't fight it this time when Cragen reached up again and with even more gentleness than the first time, took her sunglasses and pulled them off of her face. He reached up and wiped her tears away with the tenderness of a father. Then wrapping his arm around her waist, he led her back to the front pew where the others were sitting; he sat down on the pew and gently pulled Olivia down beside him.

A few minutes passed before the Priest stepped up to the podium between the displayed picture and the beautiful cork board display. He paused for a moment then moved around the podium and down to where Olivia sat, with her head down, surrounded by the SVU family. He crouched down in front of her and held his hands out for both of hers.

She slowly raised her head to meet the caring gaze of the Priest who had played such a significant part in the life she shared with Elliot. She reached out her trembling hands and placed them in his as yet another fresh wave of tears spilled down her face. "Father Andrew…" her lips moved but no sound came out.

He squeezed her hands and whispered soothingly. "I can't image how hard this is for you; I know how close you and Elliot were. Just don't forget that I'm here if you need anything, the door is always open. Please come by and let me know how you're doing, let me help if I can."

Olivia nodded silently, unable to voice her thoughts, feelings and fears.

Father Andrew released one of her hands as he reached over and pulled out the brand new handkerchief that he had tucked into his other sleeve for just this occasion. He gently pressed it into her hand before he stood and returned to the podium.

For the next hour, Olivia's attention drifted in and out as she allowed memories to wash over her, keeping her from actively listening as Father Andrew and others spoke about Elliot and what he meant to them.

Soon, the funeral concluded; Olivia sat, unmoving, as the others around her stood and pulled on their coats, preparing to leave.

"Liv…" Casey leaned over and gently tugged Olivia onto her feet. "Come on, sweetie."

Olivia glanced around, almost in a daze, before realizing the service was over. Still feeling rather numb, she allowed Munch to help her slip her jacket back on. She tucked the handkerchief that Father Andrew had given her earlier into her pocket. She turned and stumbled slightly as she started toward the door.

Cragen quickly reached out to steady her. "You ok?" he asked the concern evident in his voice.

"Yeah…" she closed her eyes briefly before beginning to walk again. "Just a little dizzy."

"How dizzy?" he frowned, not liking the sound of her voice.

"Really dizzy…" she admitted with a sigh.

"You need to let Mel check you over when we get you back home," Casey suggested.

Olivia nodded but didn't say anything. Half way up the aisle, she stopped abruptly, one hand flying to her stomach as her face scrunched up in pain.

"Liv?" Casey asked in concern, turning to look at her friend. "What is it?"

"Cr… Cramp…" she panted as she gripped the arm of a nearby pew with her free hand.

"Mel," Casey called anxiously as she rested a hand in the small of Olivia's back, trying to steady her.

Standing at the front of the church, talking to a couple of police officers who had attended the funeral, Melinda turned just in time to see Fin quickly lunge forward and catch Olivia as she lost consciousness.

"Melinda!" Casey and Munch both yelled for help as Fin gently lowered Olivia to the floor and laid her down.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN 2: Uh oh! What now? Is Olivia ok? Is her baby ok? How much more can Olivia handle before she breaks? **_

_**Should I continue? I'd love to know what you guys think! Review, please?**_


	5. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Dick Wolf.**_

_**A/N: Many thanks and much love for my betas! You ladies are amazing! How blessed I am to have you as betas and friends! **_

_**To the readers, thanks for the favorites, follows and reviews! Reviews are golden! **_

_**In the last chapter, Olivia passed out in the church after Elliot's funeral. What caused her to pass out? Is she ok? What about the baby? **_

_**In this chapter, Cragen is a bit out of character. I wrote him this way intentionally. I think you'll understand why as you read.**_

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Four<span>

"She's starting to come around."

"Liv? Come on, wake up."

"Can you hear me?"

The voices slowly permeated her consciousness as she slowly moved her head from side to side.

"Melinda," Fin called. "She's trying to wake up."

Melinda hurried back over to where Olivia still lay on the floor. She dropped down on her knees beside her friend. She reached over and gently framed Olivia's head with her hands, stopping her side to side motion. "Olivia," she spoke calmly. "Liv? Can you hear me?"

Olivia groaned quietly as she struggled to open her eyes. She blinked, then quickly closed her eyes again as the bright lights of the church caused her head to pound. "Uhhh…" she moaned as she raised her hands to cover her eyes.

"What is it?" Melinda asked as she caught Olivia's hands before they reached her face. "Are the lights too bright?"

"Yeah…" Olivia muttered in response.

Melinda glanced over at Cragen who was on his knees on the other side of Olivia.

He motioned to Fin and together the two men moved around, using their bodies to block some of the light and using their hands to shield Olivia's eyes as best as they could.

"Try again," Melinda encouraged. "Open your eyes again."

Obediently, Olivia slowly opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times.

"Better?" Melinda asked.

"A little," she responded as she squinted but managed to keep her eyes open.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I got hit by a semi."

"Yeah," Melinda agreed. "I can see why. I want to get you to the hospital so I can check you out better."

"Mel," Olivia sighed as she tried to sit up. "I just want to go home."

"Olivia," Melinda spoke kindly but firmly as she helped her friend to sit up then held a supporting hand behind her. "You passed out. You weren't out long, but you went completely out."

"I'm ok," she insisted. "I just want to go home and go to bed."

"I understand, but you really need to let me check you out. Passing out was probably due to dehydration, stress and exhaustion. But it's better to be safe than sorry." Melinda reached down and gently laid one hand over Olivia's stomach as she continued. "Besides, you're pregnant. I would feel a lot better if you let me check to make sure that both you and your baby are really ok."

"For your baby, Liv." Cragen spoke from where he remained on his knees behind her.

Olivia sighed and rubbed her eyes with both hands.

Melinda relaxed a little, knowing that Olivia would do anything to ensure the safety of the child she was carrying.

"Casey can go and stay with you." Cragen's voice was soft and caring as he moved to face Olivia. "Or Fin, or I'll go if you want me to. Whoever you want to go with you."

Olivia nodded slowly. "Alright," she agreed. Tears filled her eyes as she laid one hand over her stomach where Melinda's hand had rested only moments before. "This baby is all I have left of Elliot."

With the tenderness of a father's love, Cragen reached over and gently wiped the tears from her clearly exhausted eyes. "I know it doesn't seem like it right now," he whispered. "But everything's going to be ok."

"Never," Olivia cried, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. "It will never be ok without my husband."

"Things will work out," he spoke softly, tears in his own eyes. "I'll make sure of it. I promise."

Melinda looked over at Fin as she slowly rose to her feet.

Understanding without words, Fin rose as well, then leaned over and lifted Olivia into his arms.

"I can walk," she protested.

"I had rather you didn't right now," Melinda explained. "I want you to stay off your feet until I examine you."

Olivia sighed knowing that arguing was pointless because she wasn't going to win. She laid her head on Fin's shoulder and closed her eyes in exhaustion as he carried her out of the church.

Once they were in the parking lot, Casey pulled Melinda to the side.

"Are you going to keep her in the hospital overnight?" Casey asked the two women watched Fin settle Olivia in the back of the car.

Melinda nodded. "For one night at least. Possibly more, depending on what's going on. I'll know more once I examine her and run a few tests."

"At least one of us should stay with her. I don't think she should be alone, especially so soon after Elliot…" Casey trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.

"I agree. I'm not going to restrict her visitors."

"Even overnight?"

"Even overnight," Melinda reassured her red-headed friend. "I'll even make sure that her room is private and is a double so there's an extra bed for whoever stays with her overnight."

"Melinda!" Cragen called from where he stood next to the back door of the car. "She's cramping again!"

Together, Melinda and Casey hurried over to the car.

Melinda leaned into the back of the car where Olivia sat. "Ok, shhh, it's ok," she soothed as Olivia whimpered in pain. She gently pulled Olivia's hand away from her stomach and replaced it with her own hand.

"Fin," Casey pulled him away from the car. "Can you give me a ride back to Liv's house and then to the hospital?"

"Sure," he agreed, pulling out his car keys. "I'll go get my car and bring it over."

"Thanks," Casey nodded as Fin turned and hurried toward his car. She moved toward Melinda in time to hear the doctor speak to Captain Cragen.

"Can you ride along?"

"Of course," he agreed quickly and slid into the back seat next to Olivia.

"Lay down, Liv," Melinda urged as she helped her friend change positions. "There we go… good," she spoke softly as Olivia laid down, resting her head in Cragen's lap. Melinda slowly removed her hand from Olivia's stomach as she attempted to soothe her friend's shattered emotions. "Try to relax, honey. Just try to relax. Take a breath for me."

Olivia looked up at her Captain's face as she tried to comply with Melinda's instructions.

"Shhh," Cragen soothed as he let his always professional guard drop. "Breathe sweetheart," he encouraged as he ran his fingers through her hair with the gentleness of a father.

Her gaze met his and she took a slow breath, calmed by the fatherly love she saw in his eyes.

Satisfied that Olivia wasn't going to completely panic, Melinda raised up and stepped away, pulling herself out of the back seat.

Casey leaned into the back as Melinda got into the driver's seat and started the car. "Liv," Casey reached over and squeezed her friend's hand. "Fin and I are going to run by your house and get a few things for you and then we'll meet you at the hospital. Ok?""

Olivia nodded and squeezed Casey's hand in return.

"Hang in there, honey. I'll be there soon."

Again, Olivia nodded, tears in her eyes as she focused on continuing to breathe slowly.

Casey moved away and closed the back door. She watched as the car pulled out and sped away, carrying her friend in the direction of the hospital. She rushed over and slid into the passenger seat of Fin's waiting car. "Let's go," she urged as she buckled up. "We have to hurry."

~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~

An hour and a half later; Melinda, Casey and Cragen stood in the hallway just outside of Olivia's hospital room.

"So you were right? It was just dehydration?" Cragen asked with a look of concern.

"Mostly," Melinda answered. "Dehydration, exhaustion and not eating."

"You're sure?" Casey voiced her concern as well.

"That's what the exam and all the tests point to."

Cragen glanced in the room at the woman who had become like a daughter to him, despite his status as a childless widower. He sighed in relief. "She's going to be ok then? And the baby too?"

"The baby's fine," Melinda responded. "And Liv's gonna be ok. She just has to start taking better care of herself. I've got her on an IV to re-hydrate her and I gave her a mild sedative - "

"A sedative?" Casey interrupted her mid-sentence. "Won't that hurt the baby?"

"No, what I gave her is very mild, and I didn't give her a full dose."

"Sorry… sorry," Casey breathed. "You're a good doctor. I know you wouldn't do anything to harm Liv or her baby. I just…"

"You just panicked," Melinda said as she glanced in the room to make sure Olivia was still sleeping. "It's ok, I understand. You feel a greater need to protect them both now that Elliot's gone."

Casey nodded in silent agreement.

"We all do," Melinda reassured her quietly. "So, like I said," she continued, "I have her on an IV, and I gave her a mild sedative. Once she gets a little rest, we'll get some food into her and she'll be feeling better."

"Rest?" Cragen frowned in confusion. "Everyone's been saying that sleeping is all she's really been doing."

"She's been using sleep to escape," Melinda explained. "There's a difference in sleeping to escape and in actual resting. She's had plenty sleep but none of the actual restorative rest that she needs."

"Have you told her that you're keeping her overnight?" Cragen questioned.

"Yeah. She wasn't very happy about it, but she agreed when I told her it was best for the baby."

Cragen nodded and turned his gaze back into the hospital room to watch Olivia sleep. "She shouldn't wake up alone."

"She's won't," Casey spoke with confidence. "One of us will be with her at all times."

"Do you mind if I take the first shift?"

"Of course not," Melinda responded. "Go on in."

Cragen nodded his thanks then walked into the room and moved toward the bed where Olivia lay sleeping. He pulled a chair over right beside the bed, then sat down and took Olivia's hand in his own. "Alright, Sweetheart," he whispered to her sleeping form. "I know it's Elliot who has always walked you through hard times like this, but you're gonna have to make do with me this times." He reached up with his free hand and gently brushed some hair back from her face. "So, you're gonna lay here and get some rest," he continued quietly. "And I'm gonna sit here and hold your hand until you wake up."

Almost as if she heard him, Olivia sighed in her sleep and shifted slightly in the bed.

Cragen smiled as she seemed to relax somewhat. "You and me, kiddo," he whispered. "We're gonna do this. I promise you're not alone. Sleep, just sleep and take care of this beautiful grandbaby of mine," he smiled again. "Yeah, you heard me right. I said grandbaby." Cragen sighed softly and moved his chair close to the bed without releasing his grip on Olivia's hand. "I know I've never outright said it, but I think you know me well enough to know that I've always loved you. I was never blessed with children of my own, but you've always been the daughter of my heart." He reached out with his free hand and gently laid it over her still flat stomach. "And that makes this little one my grandbaby."

Again, Olivia shifted, moving into a more comfortable position. She gave his hand a slight squeeze. "I love you too," she whispered without opening her eyes.

Surprised that she had heard him, he squeezed her hand in return.

Olivia turned her face into the pillow and quickly fell back to sleep, still holding Cragen's hand.

~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~EO~~

Several hours later, Cragen still sat at Olivia's bedside, holding her hand as she slept. Although lightly dozing himself, he was still aware of even her slightest movement. He was instantly awake the second her peaceful sleep became restless. He sat up straighter and held her hand a little tighter. "Shh," he whispered, trying to soothe away whatever was bothering her without waking her up. "It's alright. You're ok."

Her restless movements continued and she seemed to become more distressed, even in sleep.

"Liv," Cragen spoke quietly and calmly despite the worry that was rising in his chest. "It's ok," he continued to try to soothe her.

Suddenly, Olivia woke in a state of pure panic. She sat up quickly, jerking her hand out of Cragen's grasp and holding it across her chest as she gasped for air. Terror was evident in her eyes as they darted around the room.

"Hey," Cragen reached out but didn't touch her.

Olivia jumped, startled by her captain's presence.

"Hey," he spoke softer this time. "It's ok. You're ok. Take a breath."

Her eyes darted around the room once more before returning her gaze to Cragen.

"Slow breaths," he encouraged as he laid a gentle hand on her arm. "Just breathe."

Olivia took a few breaths, trying to calm her racing heart.

"That's it. Get your feet on the ground."

"Ok…" she said, finally breathing a little easier.

"Ok?" Cragen asked, watching her closely.

"Yeah," Olivia answered as she took another slow breath. The terror in her eyes, now gone.

"What happened? Nightmare?" He reached out and gently took her hand back into his own.

She nodded but didn't speak.

"You wanna tell me about it?" he asked kindly.

"No," her voice was hoarse from sleep. "I just wanna forget."

"Ok, sweetheart," the term of endearment, although unusual for the captain, fell easily from his lips. "Lay down." Still holding her hand, he used his free hand to gently push on her shoulder, encouraging her to lay back again.

Surprisingly, Olivia did as he requested with no objection or resistance. Then, even more surprisingly, she gripped his hand tighter and whispered, "Please don't leave… I don't want to be alone."

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," he answered quietly as he tightened his grip on her hand as well. He reached up and gently wiped away the tears that streamed freely down her cheeks. "Close your eyes."

Again, she did as he requested. Tears continued to fall from underneath her closed eyelids.

With the tenderness of a father, Cragen gently ran his fingers through her hair, trying to soothe her. "I can't imagine the heartache you're feeling right now," he spoke softly. "But I'm here and I'll do anything you need me to do."

She answered without opening her eyes. "I want Elliot," her voice was quiet and broken.

"Oh, honey." Another rare term of endearment flowed naturally from Cragen. "I wish I could bring him back to you. I would in a heartbeat."

"I kn-" Olivia's reply was cut short as she gasped and her eyes popped open. She winced hard and both of her hands flew to her stomach.

"Liv?" Cragen asked, alarmed. "What is it?"

The door to the hospital room opened and Casey walked in, just in time to hear Olivia's painful answer.

"H… hurts…" she groaned as she rolled over onto her side, brought her knees up as far as she could and held both arms over her stomach.

"Cramping again?" Cragen asked as he quickly stood.

"I just saw Melinda. I'll go get her," Casey said then turned and ran out of the room in search of the doctor.

Olivia cried out in pain and Cragen leaned over the bed, trying his best to comfort her. "Hang on, Liv. Hang on…"

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN 2: Oh no! Cramping again?! What's going on now? Can Melinda help? Or will Olivia need more medical attention than Melinda can give her alone? **_

_**And what about the rest of the SVU family? How are they handling everything? Can they band together to take care of Olivia? Or is Olivia too far gone to be helped?**_

_**Want answers? You know what to do! Leave me a review and let me know what you think! :~D**_


End file.
